I often ask myself these days if I am just going through midlife without the crisis. After turning forty, most things in my life started to have different meanings. I hope this article will help clarify things a little bit. I feel like I am at a point where I am tying up loose ends.
Recently I decided to revise my vision board which I had last updated many years ago. For some reason I felt such relief after listing five things that I wanted to do or learn. After revising it a few times, the list remained the same. This brief list felt enough, I was at peace with these few things because that is how I wanted to live my life going forward.
Back in the day I wanted to do or accomplish many things even if it meant just ticking off the list. When I look back, I do not even remember why certain things meant so much to me at that time. I think this happens to many of us at some point in our lives. I had the gift of time and energy and thought that I could accomplish anything that I put my mind to. My life was full of activities and I loved being busy. I felt that I had to be continuously productive. Although still busy, the difference now is that there is an internal calmness within me. I take time to listen to my inner voice and shut out all external noises. Compliments are still nice to hear but are no longer a measure of how well I have done something.
Looking around my home, it feels different. I would go on to say it feels more like my home now than a place I used to come to for rest before rushing back to work. My choices of home décor have also changed. Buying stuff because it’s the latest trend is no longer a thing for me. My priority is on my comfort and the colours that make me feel safe and relaxed. I would rather save up for a piece of furniture than compromise my comfort. I have also come to learn that price does not necessarily determine how something makes you feel. There has to be that special connection.
When I get home, I have that excitement to do something for me. From my hobbies to learning new things or even just daydreaming. Some of you can relate, we work so hard to create beautiful homes but never get the chance to enjoy them because we are always too busy or too exhausted.
I am now able to set boundaries especially in my relationships with other people. As well as create clear separation between my work and home life. I make time for things that I am passionate about. I write down a more defined process on how I get from point a to b. Because of other passions outside of my work, the company I keep has diversified too. I enjoy discussions about life in general and not only about my day job.
My joy also comes in the form of listening to other people’s journeys, fascinated by where they have been and why they ended up where they are. That has also become the source of my writing, we all come from somewhere. People have beautiful stories to share if you are willing to listen.
I do not take myself too seriously, I often laugh at things that would have upset me years ago. I do not have to win at everything. There are lessons in things that do not always go according to plan. Goals can be negotiated; plans change and that is all part of life.
Talking about a new confidence. I didn’t always feel good about my looks, I always had to compensate that feeling with something else. Either by being competitive at work or just had to be better in some way or another. It’s funny though that some of my colleagues complimented me on my confidence. It was all a survival persona; I was vulnerable on the inside and it was exhausting.
Things are a little different now though, I have learnt to embrace my body. Although I am still experimenting with different fashion looks, I am doing it at my own pace and having fun with it. On some days, the past comes back to haunt me but those moments have been few and far apart.
Moving onto food, I haven’t always enjoyed cooking. But lately I am placing importance on what goes into my body and want to improve my eating habits. What better way than making it myself. I have added some kitchen utensils and recipe books to make the journey more enjoyable. When I get a bit comfortable, I will share with you some of my dishes in future content. This is a work in progress, wish me luck.
I have not yet made irrational purchases or done so called “crazy stuff” with my finances. For now, midlife is still midlife without the crisis.
I am also ensuring that even in pursuit of my interests, I do not neglect people that I care about. Balance is important. I will always make time for family and friends; they play a very important role in my life.
Believe me things are far from perfect, but I don’t need a perfect life. I just want to live my life the best way I can with all my flaws too. So, what if I didn’t accomplish certain things in my thirties, what really stops me now if those things still matter to me.
I try not to dwell on past painful experiences. It’s not that everything has suddenly disappeared, I choose to thrive on positivity instead. I want to have enjoyable life experiences and make better choices. This is not to say I will not make some bad decisions along the way, but life does go on.
I remind myself of how precious life is and grateful for each sunset and sunrise. Nothing in my life is taken for granted. This is the most grounded I have been all my life. It feels good to have both feet on the ground.
I keep in mind that not every forty-something is going through the same. Whatever you are going through, please surround yourself with people who care about your wellbeing. When it gets overwhelming, find your escape room or safe zones, whatever it is that will help you get back on track.
If you would like to know more about escape rooms, please read the following article on our website:
For those who have yet to find themselves, there is hope in your forties too. You can still enjoy life and make the changes you want for you. Always remember that your midlife does not need to have a crisis.